So anyway, I killed Boris Johnson. You know who he is, yeh? Not much of a crime, really. It was, I dunno, 2005, maybe 2006 he was on his bike going down the Charing Cross Road and me, I was on foot, of course. Anyway, there was a bus behind him and I took my chance. I pushed him under the bus went over and then he was dead. Noone saw me. Noone stopped me. Everything that’s happened since has been a dream. A deep and horrible dream. Wake up. For the sake of us all, wake up.